Ranting about loneliness and marriage

I know a lot of the new generation shy away from marriage. Seeing the older generation fight over divorce, lengthy process and the growing knowledge and fear that most relationship are not perfect and break up ls are a common occurance make it seem like a no brainer not to get married.
But for some women like me, it is still a longing dream. I've wanted a 'traditional' life. The american dream type of life where i meet a guy, we get married, buy a house, have kids, settle with a few dogs and cats and grow old together. New zealand, whilst its not well known, is the 3rd country in the OECD study to have single parents and nearly one out of four children we have have parents who have split. This statistics might not be fully accurate as i have occasionally seen cases where people lie for more benefit money, but we are also below average on marriage rates. With this culture, finding a man who wants to marry gets a bit more tricky. Usually, in other cultures, parents are eager to push their children onto marriage and we sometimes even see memes about parents asking their children when are they going to marry.
However, there's a bigger reason why i am unsuccessful in my endevours of marriage. I'm simply not mature enough to date a guy who wants to marry. My past 2 relationships were a total train wreck and the last one i had, i initially did not want to date the guy because he was basically a guy without a plan and just lived day by day at his parents place because he couldn't be bothered getting a better paid job. I loaned him a bunch of money for his training course and i'm never going to see that money again. But i stayed with him. He simply convinced me to because... well... we were both lonely. What was supposed to be a temporary fling, became long term. All because i basically gave into my loneliness and depression. This wasn't the first time i had a relationship with someone who basically isn't a husband material. The thing is, my interests are all immature, like playing games and watching anime for reality escape, and i don't have the heart to reject someone easily. Basically the first 'nice guy' who looks alright and who confesses his love for me, i'll fall hard for... it was one of the reasons why i looked into online dating more. Seeing what job the guy does or what kind of interest they have... i was basically hoping to reject the bad apples more easily.
But alas... here i am... i am now currently in a relationship with a guy who's not so interested in those things. He's a nice enough guy and tells me to ask him about these things in a few years, but my previous relationships are an all too powerful lesson and reminder that this... probably won't happen. My depression is getting worse and a part of me wants to give up. I'm trying my hardest to fight off the demon that tells me, 'i might as well just waste away my years and drink myself to death'. It's really just my depression talking, but reality that i need to give up something i have longed for just makes it all hard.